What is it about ‘those’ people that seems to always attract a crowd while people often walk right by (or away) from everyone else. They seem to hold some form of magical ‘personal power‘ that automatically draws others toward them.
Have you been in situations where you have wanted to attract more attention – engage in deep, meaningful conversations with those around you but for some reason they just seem to walk away or almost are afraid to talk with you?
- You’re at work trying to get a co-worker’s attention, instead they keep talking to someone else
- How about dating – some people just have a seemingly automatic "charm" about them that attracts the opposite sex without them even trying
- What about social situations – group gatherings, parties or a night out can be frustrating if you are always trying so hard to just keep people paying attention to you
Sometimes it can seem like you are invisible – that you have no ability to get noticed and the harder you try, the worse it seems to get. You just don’t seem to have the personal power to attract desirable people toward you.
Here are 5 ways to magically attract people to you, no matter how much of an outcast you feel like today:
1. Be comfortable with yourself. It sounds kind of odd to think that we are often not comfortable with ourselves doesn’t it? But it’s true – especially in social situations. You can improve your comfort level and work on being more confident overall by using techniques like yoga and meditation. Just 20-minutes of mediation each day can have a dramatic impact on your self-confidence over time resulting in more attractiveness on the outside. You can learn the basics of yoga and meditation from a local class in your area, books or online at yoga and meditation resources such asthis one.
2. Learn to listen and ask questions. People like to talk about themselves, so a great way to break the ice and create interest in yourself is to begin by putting others in a comfortable place of answering questions about themselves.
3. Pay attention to your own health and personal development. When someone appears confident and successful, they draw people toward them. If you look defeated, withdrawn and have not taken care of yourself then that shows to those around you and they will avoid you. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, take care of yourself and others will be drawn to you.
4. Learn to tell stories. Have you ever noticed that some of the most popular people are those that tell great stories. It’s not that the story itself needs to be great, it’s just that it needs to be told in a passionate and confident way. Make sure you observe what is going on around you, stay abrest of current events and learn to tell stories.
5. Take the positive spin…People want to be around other positive people not complainers or those who always take the negative spin. If you can see the positive in situations – even better – take action towards making things more positive then you will be seen as someone of high social importance becoming much more attractive to those around you.
You may think that personal power is a result of chemistry or social skill that you cannot learn and so you are destined to always be someone who does not attract attention – but you can change all of that by following some simple steps to improve your self-confidence, improve your image and learn how to engage others more easily.
Jeff
Pings on 5 Ways To Attract People To You
Comments on 5 Ways To Attract People To You
I feel so along and left out people are not drawn to me and I am not interested in them either, what can I do to make people like me. I hate people.
Hi Gloria – often when we are in a mode of hating, disliking or not having time for other people it is actually ourselves that we are not happy with. What is it about other people that bothers you the most?
Try and come up with a list of things that bothers you about other people. Then, look within and see how you feel about yourself on those same factors.
Often we have negative feelings about ourselves that we heap onto other people.
Let’s say we really hate people who are the “life of the party” – often this feeling will be held by those who are NOT the life of the party and once we look at our own insecurities in front of groups we will see that it is OUR OWN limitations that we hate, it’s just that others remind us what those are.
Then, we can get rid of that self hatred that leads to us putting up a barrier against others.
Is it true that if a person says something, it may come out as sounding kinda rude, but if another person with a different voice, accent, or appearance says the same thing in the same tone it might sound a lot nicer or something?
like there is this woman who walks totally confident at work and she’s gorgeous..and the way she’s walking seems fine. So one day I walked the same way, it didn’t feel fake and it felt a lot more comfortable, but for some reason when I walked that way everyone is like ‘who do you think you are?’ so even if i walked that exact same way, with my looks it came out as bossy rather than confident
Alicia, I think people asked “who do you think you are” when you mimicked the walk of the more confident woman was not because you couldn’t pull it off. Perhaps when trying to walk like the other lady you went a bit overboard. Sometimes, first tries can come off a bit rusty–too much or too little. You may have pulled it off “too much,” therefore making yourself look angry, inciting the words “who do you think you are.” Practice the walk in front of a mirror. Do it just the way you did it at work and notice if you are maybe walking like you’re angry rather than “confident.” If that’s how you came across, based on what you view in the mirror, tone it down a bit, till you look confident. I guarantee it will work for you just like the other girl. Then, follow the above steps. Whoever wrote that article did a good job.
hi alicia, you have your unique personality, find your strenght don’t try to imitate others because they are good to it, be happy with yourself and never compare yourself from others coz you are unique individual, friend focus on what you have, your beautiful smile your, your curly hair love yourself and other will love you.
Really nice tricks 2 build the personality….
i think we can attract the people with a little nice smile on our face…
so be NATURAL and enjoy yourself…
Yousuf Aamir Maken 4m sargodha…….PAKISTAN
no plz dont hate people, we need to attract people to develop ourself, if we attract people with our words then people will take u to the higher position………
Good tips. Thanks. Meditation definitely works a lot. I have experienced it myself. It sheds the negative things from our life, though not all at once. One thing I have noticed is meditation also brings out the joy and humour in us to the surface which itself can attract people. I have attracted a lot of people, not that I wanted to, but it so happened. On the other side, I also love people and care for them genuinely and I am a well wisher of everyone in sincere ways. And dont forget that we are here to enjoy life to the fullest 🙂
nice]
have faith in you
others who r in front of u are also human being
so please be confident
and join the race with me
good luck
I have no friends, and don’t know why. People say I’m easy to talk with, great listener, validating. But no one accepts my invites. And anytime (ANYTIME) I try opening up about myself, even a little, the other person becomes instantly bored and and only waits to talk again. People tell me their most personal and private shit within minutes of meeting me, but can’t stand to listen to me for even a minute. I’M SICK OF IT. PEOPLE SUCK. I’d rather be by myself than deal with people and their selfishness.
hi. i m a very intelligent, hardworking, and beautiful girl but again i m failure in everything. i dont know why. i always try my best but my result is always bad. i was a 1st position holder in my class, but not now. plz help me.and show me a way. i would b very thankful
@Gloria Eubanks:
am in same situation as you Gloria, people are not 100% drawing to me as how i want.
and me too sometimes i dont feel like to get with them.
i need to be better than how i am right now.. do you think that’s possible ??
@sam:
hey sam, i believe that you are a really really beautiful girl as how u mentioned, and all this things happening to you its might happen to anybody else, its not happening to you cuz you are weak, its happened cuz whenever you want to do something you have to believe in your self that sure u going to do it and achive it well .
do that, trust your self and i promises you that one day you will realize that you are a really wonderful and always doing the things right.
@sam:
hey sam, i believe that you are a really really beautiful girl as how u mentioned, and all this things happening to you its might happen to anybody else, its not happening to you cuz you are weak, its happened cuz whenever you want to do something you have to believe in your self that sure u going to do it and achive it well .
do that, trust your self and i promises you that one day you will realize that you are a really wonderful and always doing the things right.
Thank you for a very helpful information, that can organized the situation with regards for myself. i am very much lucky that i found some important things that may encourage people in following details in an internet.. good job;) and God bless us..
I feel very lonely because i dont attaract people around me. I think that the reason behind it is my negligence of people since childhood. I seldom went to play out with my friends. I seldom took part in an argument especially the ones in which girls were involved. As a result of which people started keeping away of me and this blows me out as i dont want to be alone. I want someone to be with me , someone to love me . I will end up my life if it doesnt get well soon. i feel pathetic.
i am interesting in someone but she has already married ohhhhh wat should i dooo???????????
Hey jef
I just want to ask that being good to people is a good thing
Like, i’ve always been good to people….nd the treat me so badly like making fun of me of no reason , insulting me….
I always help them but noone helps me
What do I do mate???
help me out…..
Anna – rise above it my friend. When we do nice things for people, that does US good in the sense that aligns with our internal belief system. So, just by living in alignment with how we wish to live our life will result in more satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives. Focus less on external validation (yes it is always nice to be appreciated and not teased, but there are many reasons that people act the way they do toward us that we CANNOT control such as jelousy, low self-esteem, frustration, etc…
Focus on how it makes YOU feel when you do nice things for other people, and know that you actually have very little to do with how people respond – they have their own issues, baggage – know that YOU are rising above it and living in tune with how you really want to live your life.
Oh…and keep doing those nice things…it really is WORTH it.
Jeff
@manish: Manish – what do you believe is at the root of avoiding interaction with other people even though, as you mention, you do what meaningful relationships?
For many people there is a FEAR that prevents them from associating with other people.
That fear can come from a fundamental lack of self-confidence — where you have beaten yourself down so badly that you can’t imagine why anyone would want to be around you…so you avoid interaction.
In the book Attracting Greatness at http://www.attractgreatness.com there are 5 essential roadblocks that must be removed before we can overcome challenges in our lives – fear and boosting our self-confidence are two of those main pillars.
I suggest you pick up a copy if you can, this book really changed my life through enhancing self confidence, helping to recognize and then manage fear and stress and even helping to improve energy levels and “charisma” that helps draw people toward you without having to chase them.
Jeff
just update me
I feel very some near the girls & uncomfortable. I have not confidence to say anything near other people. Please guide to be confident near girls & other people of society.
Jeff. I checked out the attracting greatness website you mentioned. Out of interest, would the Jeff who wrote it be yourself ?
Yes – I am the author of http://www.attractgreatness.com The system outlined in Attracting Greatness was something I worked out when I went through a MAJOR life challenge back in my early 20’s – took us almost a year to work it out and then we have been helping people with this powerful system of change and peak enlightenment from then on. Since then, thousands of people have benefited from the blueprint in Attracting Greatness to finally achieve lasting change in their lives, something they could not achieve in the past with dozens of other self-improvement and personal development products.
Jeff
Hello, my name is Artemis. I am a middle-aged heterosexual male,
a husband of 14 years, a father of a 13 year old daughter and a 7
year old son who has to live the rest of his life with Asperger Syndrome.
I had both of my children with my wonderfully remarkable wife of 14 years.
I am retired from the United States Army, where I spent most of my career in the Infantry and my last years in Military Intelligence after sustaining injuries after an RPG (Rocket-Propelled Grenade) struck the truck I was in.
And, though my wife surely must be suffering more than I am, she doesn’t complain. My son cannot and does not complain. I figured I had no right to complain, ever. So, I hold everything in.
I never really know what to say, anyway. So, I just stopped talking.
Besides, “they” always say that 90 percent of human communication
is non-verbal (via body language) anyway, right?
“Virtue isn’t everything, so don’t waste time. And, you’ll never miss what you’ve never had. So, just let it go.”
– Artemis Hamon
This is your learning stage. Now you becoming good experience girl and face this world. Don’t feel. Keep on try,You only know the way of success.You will attain your goal soon.
All the best.
Hi i am a 35year women. I cant talk to people even the people in family. I find conversation with people boring. about the weather….so boring
Elaine – what are your interests? Are there things that WOULD interest you if you were talking to other people?
Most people do come at relationships from the point of view of “I would rather talk about X or Y” – and people who have similar interests often find it easier to talk.
At the same time, any relationship takes time to build and give-and-take – but finding similarity is certainly a help.
Jeff
Do meditation for atleast 10 min’s a day, listen some slow track song’s, visit church in evening time, dis thing’s really get work, i’ve try’d n got wat i need, try it once.
I want Friends!
I have every thing, by God. But a friend is still needed. I have my Sister and her friends are my friends too. But we meet either in the start of school, in lunch time and in the end of school. In class I am alone. Every one has their own group. Everyone knows me. But I have lack of confidence to talk with them. They aren’t my type. Actually because of shuffle my old pals of old class went apart and I don’t know anything about the new mates. So I can’t talk with them they are what sometime and whatever some other time. I think most of them don’t like me. Because they are always having a problem with me. They’re totally different!
I also had my group in this class, but they were mean and backstabbers. One of them gave me her ID password and I gave her mine too. One day I opened up her account and started reading the conversations with another one from our group. The conversation said that ‘that is great if I am not coming to school on Monday because I am boring and they aren’t comfortable with me’ that hurt me a lot. That was unexpected. Because in previous class they said that I add fun to their days and I am Great friend of them. I was angry that much that when I reach at school I didn’t wished them. And the truth came; when I didn’t come to them they didn’t too. Now I think I am alone. Then my sister realized my story, and she was ready to keep me with her. I love her.
But everyday in class i feel out class. One day my teacher also asked ‘Hadeea are your friends absent today?’ I felt so disappointing. I can’t engage with them. I have negative paradigms about them(I think). I feel so Uncomfortable.
I am a good girl, I know. But what to do? After one day we are having a party at school and this one is my second last one. And we are having party with class mates. I don’t want to miss this day. But what will I do alone?
I’ll be thankful to you if you will help me.
Thanks in advance.
Hadia.
Hi Hadia – try just working on yourself for the next few weeks. What I mean by that is write down the good things about, what people have liked about you in the past, what you know to be good traits and qualities about yourself. Study these each day, play examples over in your mind and continually force yourself to think of the “good” in you and how that has translated to relationships in the past. Do this for at least 15-20 minutes a couple times each day – the purpose here is simply to get your self-confidence back up to where it needs to be in order to project confidence, want to be around others again (despite their faults) and have them be more comfortable around you. Look, all of the others are struggling with their confidence and sel-esteem issues too…the behavior you describe of backstabbing and ignoring are symptoms of this. The key is that you create enough confidence in yourself that you KNOW you can handle any situation – even if they lash out at you because of their own challenges.
Thankyou to the max sir 🙂
hi this is imran zaindari 19 years old boy. there was some friends in my school io the same section they were always making fun of me but i never concentrated on them. I carry on with my work .well i have faced all kind of problems in my life but i never give up & today with the help of almighty allah i got hundreds of friends & everthing & i want everyone to be happy in every sitituation & enjoy every single second of your life & be positive .
Thank you for sharing Imran, you make a very good point about being internally strong and self-assured enough to not be impacted by teasing, bullying, emotional blackmail and the like. Great to hear your story and continue to share your positive energy.
I was just strolling on by, or randomly came across this website, and I consider myself a pretty confident guy in my mid 20s that has gone from having very few friends to quite a few friends so I thought I would share my experience.
In high school I was the shy type. I was know as the nice guy, everyone like me but no-one invited me too many places. I did work a lot too for a high school kid, so I’m sure that was part of it too.
In college I gained the normal amount of college friends because there are so many to chose from but when everyone graduated or moved away my “friend count” went way down again. It wasn’t until I really pushed myself to change that I started to get more and more people consistently wanting to be around me.
I made some rules for myself as well.
Rule 1)
Focus on stimulating my happiness… What made me happy? Trying new things whether I’m think I’m good at them or not. So I tried online gaming, swing dancing, tennis, joined a church, went to random events, went canoeing with the DNR wildlife agency (random). If people see you having fun, they generally want to have fun too and will be more tempted to join you in the activity or a conversation. Plus, by trying new things, you gain all sorts of stories to tell about how bad you are at something or how you fell off the canoe.
If you don’t like trying new things, just go do what you like doing somewhere public. Again, if someone sees you having fun, they will want to have fun too.
Rule 2)
Don’t let anger hold you back… If you are upset or having a bad day, don’t let that keep you from doing something. There were several occasions where I came home so upset, but I still forced myself to get out or go do something that I enjoyed. Why? Because I knew that once I got out there doing something, I would come back happier. Even if it was just a little.
I had a simple concept, I got my mind off of being sad or angry by occupying my mind with something else. One little trick I use to do is put ice cubes down my shirt when I was mad. Sounds dumb and I would normally call myself an idiot afterward, but I always laughed because it was so frickin’ cold. Sometimes it would continue down my pants which made me laugh even more. Again, it was about getting my mind off my anger and onto something else no matter how dorky the method.
Rule 3) You must force yourself to be social… it creates opportunities…
Rule 4) Acknowledge others…
Rule 5) Remember that you are not the only one that feels ignored…
You can’t make friends if you don’t talk to anyone (I was very much like that most of my life). However, even if I didn’t have anything to say, I just said hi. What makes an awkward silence awkward? Silence. If they walk away after what you said, so what. They may be gone but at least it isn’t awkward anymore right? My thought was to shuck the awkwardness out of the way before it has a chance to get there. That doesn’t mean scare them away, but take that chance to break the ice. Sometimes it doesn’t take much.
I say hi to so many people everyday that I don’t even know when I get within’ 4 feet of them just to keep from having that awkward silence. Doing that displays my confidence in speaking first and I acknowledge that the other person is even there, which lets them know that I care about their presence. Remember, you are not the only one that feels ignored.
Everyone likes to be acknowledged. If you are the one that acknowledges that person first when they enter the room or when you enter the room, you will most likely be the person they come back to talk to if they feel ignored by everyone else.
Several times I have walked into a room, just waved at someone from clear across the way that I hardly know or talk to. 10, 20 or even 30 minutes later on, they will either walk up and say hi or I will find myself standing next them and it makes it so much easier to start a conversation when I have already acknowledged their presence.
They feel comfortable saying hi and starting a conversation, because in a sense, I already started it with a wave on my way in. Some people just need you to speak first.
Even with my own family, I won’t get a call for quite some time, and it’s not because they don’t like me. They just need a reminder that I am hear and do like talking to them. So, if I call any of them two or 3 days straight, they will invite me over for dinner the next week and will call me back all the time.
You acknowledge their presence and they can’t help but acknowledge yours.
Wow Travis, thanks for sharing. Your experience is extremely valuable to everyone, we really appreciate you stepping up and sharing your story with us. As you say, we all have different degrees of being shy and sometimes have to bust our butt to be more social, do things, be active, get involved and take the first step toward forming relationships – excellent advice my friend.
Hey Jeff..
I am an average girl. When I was younger I didn’t have any interests in being popular or sociable around people but now I do. With practice I learnt how to open conversations, something I never knew before. People like me and I’m okay with that. But I have the problem of not being able to attract people or be the center of attention. I also feel very self-conscious when I talk because I feel I sound boring. I wanna be an interesting person and not be shy to do or say crazy things. I wanna be an attractive person but I dunno how. I’m sick of being just another normal friend or girl in my friends’ point of view. What should I do? :@ y
Hey jeff::::::m very upset wid mah attitude towards::oother:::::::::i m always der to help others:::bt dey act very mean:::i feel very lonely:::help me out
Manish: Giving up life is not the only option you have! When it comes to people, take my advice, JUST DON’T BOTHER THEM!!! you should just be the way you are… why give up something as PRECIOUS as life?? You should also think about those people who love you… your family and friends… so, chill buddy!! people who talk about ending life are cowards, I am sure you are NOT! so chill out! 🙂
My brother attracts everyone to himself but when he is absent everyone attracts me. I just feel jealous of him. I feel too bad about this. Please help me.
Hey, I’m Esraa.
Well I want to share my experience with you and if applicable try to do the same.
When someone feels that he is unacceptable, so mainly it is coz of people around him/her. And this feeling will hardly change if someone believes in it and if someone keep in contacting people that make him feel unwelcome. So what I did is that I traveled abroad and decided to be myself and try to change what I think is bad in my personality. I put a smile on my face for everyone I meet. I take a good care of myself to leave a good empression beside my smile to people I meed and also for those who I don’t even take to them. Then I found that people accept me and found out my good personality. I found that they try keeping in tough with me.
So change the place, change people you take to and see if works or not. then come back to people u always deal with but with more self confidence and with more experiences and so on. Thank you so much.
Esraa, thanks so much for leaving your comment. You make a very important point, a major part of changing your life and in doing so, improving your ability to attract others to you is managing your environment. I call it getting rid of TOXIC people. Once you get a handle on what you want to accomplish and have the self discipline you speak about with your daily activity, leaving behind negative, toxic people is critical.
Change the “I hate people” mentality, otherwise you will give off that energy to others. Have u ever heard of the aura? Believe it or not, your thoughts do affect you in many ways, and those around you. It is the law of attraction, so just have a positive mind towards people, and you’ll see how things will start to change 🙂
Hey Jeff,
I’m Priya i got married 6months back….i came to u.s recently after marriage….i am a jovial kind of person,easy going girl and want to make new friends always , used to have lots of friends they always love me for what i am. I don’t know i am feeling lost after coming here,i feel lonely all the time.I have no one one here to share my feelings and keeping all those things in my mind its actually coming up like a frustration, which is really effecting my health.When i try to approach people to make some new friends over here it is just seeming like no one is interested in talking which is actually making me feel bad, insecure and low confident about me….I started hating people and now im not even approaching them i don’t know what to do…..can u help me out?
@sam: he sam don’t get dejected.I’m also in the same situation.but i’m a 15 YEAR OLD BOY,STUDYING IN CLASS 10.JUST THINK”THIS WILL PASS”AND HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF.DON’T LISTEN TO THE FACTS TOLD BY YOUR MOM DAD OR ANYONE.BUT JUST LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
hi i’m pauline i dont have freinds that want a group how to have one is there anyone can help>?
@Anonymous: I too have same problem in my new school,Anonymous. I don’t have any friends. Always I used worry about it. I don’t know any solution for this. If you know send me message.
hello..i am an engineering student,and my problem is when I like agirl and try to talk to her I don’t get any innovative ideas..when I start talking ifeel like that I am in a hurry and soon my talking finishes I dont get more ideas to talk…iand also I get ignored by many girls though I am an handsome guy but thin…so what do you think what is the problem in me
First, I don’t think there is any problem with you…we all have challenges keeping our nerves in check and learning how to interact with people – especially people we really like or would like to have like us. What you may want to try is (and what often forms deeper relationships) is to work toward more interaction. How do you get this? Ask questions, show interest, be curious…get that person to talk about themselves and then listen closely and feed off of their discussion. So, instead of quickly firing conversation at someone else, instead ask them a question about themselves…keep the conversation light and let them be themselves – they will love you for that.
@Adam: Adam, it’s quite normal to have change in your friends…I think if you asked most people they would indicate that most of their friends also changed over a 6-12 month period with perhaps a few long-term friends maintained. Even then, you may not talk to those friends regularly, just know they are there if you need them.
It is also normal to go through droughts where you do not have friends close for a prolonged period of time, sometimes this is because you are focused entirely on something else (a new job, new relationship, kids, new business, school, etc…) while other times it is because you yourself are going through a down time when your confidence is low, you are feeling depressed and just aren’t putting positive energy out to attract friends.
I’m not sure about your situation exactly from your post…how are you feeling about yourself currently? Has there been any change there? Often, when we are in a rut ourselves, we spend so much energy beating ourselves up that we don’t work on friendships or put ourselves in situations where we can meet friends.
If you are without friends currently, then what I suggest is 1) You make sure you are in a good mental place yourself…this is more than half the battle and 2) You work at being more social, engaging with people, being curious, asking people questions, helping people, listening closely and then engaging people…the friendships will come.
Jeff
@revathy: It’s not unusual to not have close friends yet in a new school…friendships take time and can be cyclical, but know that they will come again. In the meantime make sure you are working on yourself, that you identify the positives in you and your situation, that you push yourself beyond your comfort zone and that you do engage people, listen to people and participate – not just stand in the background. By putting yourself out there you will attract more friends and become more confident with your social skills.
Jeff
hi Jeff, this is Ananya…..
I am a working professional and my problem is in my work area feel lonely as because people seldom speakto me other than work related help required . Also, I am not interested in gossip topics so mostly the gals do not show interest in talking to me. Although my stress is not always there but people say I lookstressed always…..
I want to attract people make more aquaintances. Yes, I fear abt people’s comments on my looks , attitude behavior. What do i do?
Hi Jeff
i am a student and during the lessons i become the quite one and barelly attract anyone or any one would want to talk to me. It makes me feel like im useless and ignorant.
its about my personality. i dont seem to know how to talk or reply to people. if someone jokes with me or tries to be funny with me i just reply with “haha yeah” or act bored and he losses interest with me, and the same with girls.
its making me feel so bad and depressed
please help me. God bless you
Dodge – what are you thinking when they talk with you? What is going through your mind? Are you really focused on what they are saying or are you more thinking about how you should react so you get so wrapped up in yourself that you can’t just simply react to what is happening by being comfortable in your own skin?
Be joyful and have fun even no one likes u bc u r never alone
i want to attract a girl to be my best friend but i get the feeling that she dislikes me and i want to be funnier to attract people to be my friends and like me
Im really too beautiful and my sister is not that too good than me but stil all are attracted towards her
I am a 14 year old boy. I have a classmate, we both are rank-holders and, get good marks. I am really smart, intelligent and has achieved a lot in GK quizzes.
But, I think that’s not sufficient. Eventhough my classmate is just good at studying and not in any other activity, still he is very popular and valued than me. And I can notice that clearly, he is always asked and liked more than me. I think he uses cynical sarcasm to attract people towards him. He is envious of me in many things but, always prospers and my value goes down inspite of my hard work. I don’t know, how to build up a strong charisma to be at peak. I just always think, I am always less valued eventhough, I have achieved a lot more than him still, he is very impressive towards our schoolmates. I am desperate and I beg helps and suggestions from everyone who can help a poor person. Please help me out for GOD’s SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!
@Dodge:
hei.. Its also the case with please help jeff
Hi Rahul, what you speak of is very common – what is interesting is that the teens (especially around 14) that typically are “popular” with their classmates often are less self-assured and end up with issues in later school and social circles. First, I would not link popularity with “value” – everyone is really just trying to find their place in social circles at 14 with very little notion of “value” – it’s more about fitting into a comfortable circle of friends – a sense of belonging. Second, some people find that circle with a large number of mainstream people while others find it with 1 or 2 significant friends…there’s no right way to go about this. Third, you want to make sure you are being “you”! Don’t worry so much about what other people think of you, work on you being comfortable in your own skin and acting in alignment with your true feelings and thoughts…you will find the more you can do this, the more like-minded, true friends you will attract over your lifetime and Fourth…don’t forget that your experience at 14 will not be your experience at 15 which will not be your experience at 16, etc… Life is a journey and even if there is a bump in the road now, learn from it and adjust because things will get better as time goes on.
Jeff
mostly people say that i’m beautiful, but i don’t know why my friends dislike me i don’t know how to attract them and i don’t how to be with them and i feel lonely and uncomfortable
my boyfriend he is not interested with me more and i cannot forgot him i like him lot but he should be like that with me i’m expecting from him care and affection
I’m 21 I’m very handsome and I have a radiant smile but my problem is that I find it hard to talk with people without acting like I’m interesting (which makes me not real) but it all started after my moms death in 2005 because I am the only child of my parents and my dad remarried in 2006 just 6 months later and moved out to another city so ill come stay with him later when he gets a job but before then my moms sisters were angry with my father for marrying so early which I myself did not like my eldest mum sister and her sons chased me out of their house and threw my tins out because I had a quarrel with my cousin after which I went to live with my dads relation (aunty who lived with us when I was little) that was when I started feeling bad I blamed myself for everything my cousins and my mums sisters never called me on phone for one day instead I’m the one that always calls finally I moved in with my father and his wife and I was expecting my father to be the father I knew and to me the woman was a stranger but my father will always be with his wife and leave me lonley slowly I started losing confidience in myself I even told my father a secret and he went and told his wife in fact to cut this whole story short I don’t trust my father anymore and he does not trust me either, my moms family don’t give a fuck about me even if I am dying, now my self confidience is at zero I can’t make friends and keep them I just fake and always please people and apologise for being myself I don’t feel good about myself I can’t even look into anybodys eyes when talking eyeball to eyeball not even my father cos I feel worthless and when people smile or help me I feel like I’m not worth it although I love helping others I have tried to change this but since my moms family who are supposed to care and nuture me in these trying times have abandoned me and I can’t trust my father cos he has given me reasons to doubt him I just feel stuck I hate coming home cos I’m not comfortable and the way he monitors and look at me and even abuse my privacy makes me feel more worthless I can’t trust anyone not even myself I planned on going abroad to study and distance myself from all these so I can live as a new person but could not go because I can’t afford just $7000 to go to school in cyprus I’m a very good musician a singer/rapper but I feel helpless in my state cos there’s no encouragement and no money to futher my career please I need help from people who believe in love and sharing like I do I’m dying slowly inside please help me my email is benjaminransom@yahoo.com
Dear Jeff,
I am a 15 year old boy. I don’t know, what has happened over times with me. I have a classmate. Whenever, he is near me, I feel insecure because, he has a great charisma in him. He is always, liked by people. He can, easily start a conversation with people. The friends I have are also getting, drawn towards me and, leave me. My friends, become his friends but, his friends always tease me. He is always backstabbing me and trying to pull me down because, I am his competitor in the class in studies and, he is always trying to take revenge on me because, of my achievements and praises I have got. I think, I have lost all my happy days and. Every time, I feel, people are more attracted towards him. And in actual life too… People are not at all attracted towards me. I cannot, talk to them. I have bought certain books too:
1. “How to Win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie”
2. “48 Laws of power”
3. The quick and easy way to effective way of speaking.
4. How to stop worrying and start living.
I have just one, god gift and that is, The INTELLIGENCE I am born with.
I want to be really influential.
Please please help. I am desperate, and am very very depressed.
Please help, as much as you can.
Yours truly,
Vikas Panchal.
Vikas, even though your current days are EVERYTHING to you in life right now, please know that this month, even this year is only a very tiny portion of what your life will be. So my first advice is to put TODAY into perspective. Even if things are not working out with your friends right now, that doesn’t mean it will always be that way. At 14, 15 intelligence, learning, and having drive, determination and purpose is beyond many people who are just trying to find their way socially (and so may favor relationships or even try to put you down because they don’t understand what you have going on inside). So what! What is MOST important is that you stay true to your purpose, beliefs and inner feelings…meaningful relationships will come to those that stay channeled and comfortable within their own skin. Can it be lonely at times, sure…but everyone gets lonely at times. You are not the only one. What is amazing about you is that you are already getting this, have already begun reading some of the most important works in self improvement and are on your way to showing the world your special abilities. Think of yourself as a superhero – you have special powers and you are working toward using them…it may get lonely at times at the top, but as long as you feel good about yourself you will attract others.
Jeff
You put your finger on it all through your post, it is YOU and you alone who must take control and take charge of your life. Your past is a very common one where we place our value in the hands of those around us and then get disappointed when they don’t come through. Absolutely we should be able to trust our parents to nurture and help us gain confidence, but they are people too and have their own hard times and can’t always be there for us. That’s when we have to realize that it doesn’t matter what others do, we can put a protective shield around ourselves and take back control – it is US we need to work on before everything else. When we gain confidence we feel better about ourselves, the actions of others impact us less, we make progress, we attract those that see our progress and it becomes a success habit. Starting right now, take charge. Put all that has happened to you on the back-shelf, work on yourself each day (meditate to calm your mind and let goodness in), with faith – perform some positive affirmations that help offset the negative thoughts and self-talk and put a plan together for yourself on how you will move forward…even in small steps if you can’t do anything big in the short-term.
Jeff
well as far as i can tell from my observations, we as humans are attracted by 3 things. they are money, social status/power, physical appearances. since i dont have any of those 3 people have always looked down on me. been made fun of my whole life about my facial appearance. been a nice guy my whole life. easy going. like to talk and listen, not rude. but people arent attracted to me because of my facial looks. we cant help that. people are judgemental, they have always been that way always be that way. its also why there are predjudices out there. i dont mean to bash you jeff but a lot of these things on here wont work. you cant make people to like you. i found that out, no matter how nice you are or how much you try talk to them and be friendly they wont like you for some reason or another. all you can do is try to like yourself, thats all.
Hi Dan, thanks for taking the time to comment. What you have listed are certainly 3 things that do initially attract some people to others, but I have seen my share of relationships that end very badly when they are based on superficial concepts such as money, status or looks – and the pain associated with the decline of relationships formed based solely on these factors is HUGE, sometimes completely self-destructive. On the other hand, I have worked with many people and experienced in my life (I don’t consider myself great looking, didn’t start out with money or status) that DID attract people (quality people) based on really getting in tune with who they themselves are, being self-assured, confident in their own skin. Haven’t you ever been around someone who you could tell was just comfortable with who they were and that attracted other people? Often having this attitude attracts money and some degree of status and reflects in your appearance (to the degree that you take care of your mind and body) – it starts within – it truly does.
actually no, i havent seen someone who wasnt good looking and was confident was treated with more respect. a lot of relationships are based on the 3 things i listed. even if it wasnt, it still could end the same. but ive havent seen anyone being treated with more respect just based on personality alone. just like in dating, a good looking girl isnt gong to go out with an unattractive looking guy, and vice versa. the guys and girls ive been around put people down just based on their looks. i myself have been turned down just soley based on my facial appearance. people are superficial. ive even heard of people talking about my appearance behind my back. theres a difference between average looking and below average. you might have met people but it gets really hard based on what you look like. being nice and positive personalities dont cut it when they are judging you based on looks. i guess you never heard the line that girls give ” your nice and everything but your not my type”. just because your confident in yourself doesnt mean people are going to like you, you cant really make anyone like you.
With that attitude you are condemning yourself to a life that will never get better – I wish you could hear how self-defeating that is. The beliefs that you hold dictate your reality…so long as you continue to hold those beliefs, things will not improve. Tough love my friend!
reality shapes beliefs. we can believe what life really is or we can day dream what it could be. we live in a superficial world everyone isnt gong to be treated equally. its just reality.
@ananya:
be comfortable with your self
My friend started ignoring me and when I asked her why she said that u don’t have anything to play with and the other people have things to play with then y should I be with you……can u all please say me how to attract her to be with me??
@vartika sharma: First thing is understanding what she means by “anything to play with…” Are we talking about something personal here, material things or can you get her to share what specifically she is bringing out here? Once you understand, then you can assess if this is something that you have been holding back on or if, in fact, you are comfortable and she is being unreasonable.
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you
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