Two of the most frustrating and self-destructive emotional feelings we can have are jelousy and envy. Both of these feelings lead to frustration, stress and unhappiness not to mention how those internal feelings manifest themselves externally – in our behavior.
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
- Getting angry when you find out that someone has achieved what you dream of in much less time?
- Resenting the fact that someone around you seems to have a more loving relationship?
- Wondering how your neighbor could be a better parent than you?
- Doubting your own ability to raise your child in the absolute best way possible?
- Angry at your boss at work because he or she has somehow reached a higher level than you even though you have worked there longer and worked harder?
Many of us ride the rollercoaster of being envious and jelous multiple times each day…in the end there is nothing positive about these emotions or their resulting impact on our behavior so we want to change.
Here are 4 ways to reduce the amount of jelousy and envy in your life:
- Focus less on camparing yourself to others and more comparing your progress against goals you have set for yourself. One common mistake we make is to judge our own progress with that of those around us. The happiest, most successful and fulfilled people have a clear vision of where they want to go, how they want to live and why…and they pursue it without giving much thought to those around them. For many people who constantly compare themselves against others, this is all the more frustrating. So, instead of looking at other people for acceptance and guidance, work on your own uncovering your own inner purpose and journey.
- Stop thinking scarcity and start thinking abundance. Often jelousy or envy is the result of thinking that because someone else accomplishes what you want, there is one less opportunity for you to accomplish the same or more. Know that there is LOTS of room at the top of the mountain and YOU determine whether you reach the summit, not someone else
- Embracing success adds momentum to your own journey. Knock other people down and you stand a much lower chance of success, build them up and you are improving your own chances of success – if you believe in attraction, then think of this as attracting positive energy, if not, think in more practical terms that what comes around, goes around — be happy for enough people and they will remember and help you
- Take some emphasis off of YOU and put it on your journey. It isn’t all about you, but rather about what you are trying to accomplish. When you begin to think less about yourself and more about the journey on the way to reaching your goals suddenly you block out the target for jelousy and envy – your ego
Being jelous and envious is counter productive and always ends up in behavior that hurts you in the end, so starting today – right now – let’s pledge to reduce our jelousy and envy and enhance our lives together – ok?
Comments on How To Stop Jelousy and Envy In Your Life
I like these ideas. But what I feel is a general competition with others at work and also not at work which I think makes me feel judgemental all the time. Your #2 says stop thinking scarcity and think abundance. That is hard to do when I see so much poverty around me. It looks to me like there isn’t enough for everyone.
@bill: I understand what you are saying Bill, and yes, I didn’t mean to make this sound trivial – it’s more like the baseball analogy, hitting for a .300 average makes you a star but you are still missing 7 out of 10 pitches! So, slow and steady improvement is the key, nobody will be perfect at this or it won’t happen overnight. I have noticed though that when you rise above the competition, have the confidence that you can raise your game, escape the poverty cycle, add value in the face of lower-level competition, great things begin to happen in your life.